Love Hard

Me: Who even am I?!

Friend: Happy. You’re happy. Feels weird right? 

I tend to get super excited about everything. 

Like a level of excited that can make people roll their eyes.

I’m kind of intense. It’s just who I am as a human. 

But I spent so long trying to dull my own joy to make X not annoyed with me, that I ended up depressed and anxious and cynical. 

Now I am obviously no expert, but that’s not love guys. 

But I’m here to tell you that there’s an indescribable beauty in rediscovering who you are.

I get to decide what I like and what I don’t and how I express myself.

I get to choose my own joy again.

I choose to sing Disney songs at the karaoke bar. I choose to wear whatever I damn well please. I choose to spend my free time reading, writing, and listening to music. I choose to sing every song as loudly as possible in the car, or grocery store, much to the dismay of my children. I choose to love as hard as I possibly can. That’s just who I am. 

I’m still left with doubts and scars and a tender heart. 

I still call my best friend in the middle of the night and cry when I have a bad day, or a bad date, or can’t process my feelings. 

And that’s not a bad thing. 

I’d rather feel everything than feel nothing at all. 

Awkwardly yours.

Meg